Ruli's blog

2006-03-05T13:18:00.000-08:00

The World of Battle

I see the world as a fighting arena. Sometimes, you win..sometimes you loose. It's a hard world. Only strong who finishes the test. It's not an easy way to follow. We fight to see the world beyond our dream. Pains and misery always accompany me in the journey, and I have less people beside me. Happiness? Does it really exist? I wanna find the world of peace where I can rest, but until I find the islands of joy, I have to fight.

My friend said that it's not supposed to be this way. It isn't always a fighting world. But yeah, she doesn't know how man becomes. We are created not in a harmony; but violence, humiliation, pride, and proud teach us all the time.

It's only a small island of peace I want to find. To give my soul an eternal rest. Would it exist for me?

2005-12-28T10:39:00.000-08:00

The Sign

It's the sign. I must let go memory goes away...though, it was prescious but life goes on. There's a dream to build. I cannot rest here forever in the middle of uncertainty. Our roads are different now, and may God gives us the best...and in the end, we would enter the heaven.

Is it the time? The time to decide which way I wil take. I can feel the air tonight. Who knows what tomorrow brings to us..

2005-12-02T10:21:00.000-08:00

Playing Piano

Well, there is a little piano at my office now. It's not really good keyboard because if I press several tuts then the sound is terrifying, but hmm I still can use it. Well, it has been a long time not playing keyboard. Usually, I play guitar...but it's horrible for environment if I play guitar (he he he) and I guess I'm bored with guitar..so, I play piano again.

I learned keyboard at 4th grade in college. My friend taught me the basic principle of piano. After learning a while, I brought keyboard from my home at Garut, and try to play it. Not really master for keyboard, but yet...it's better than guitar (though actually I like guitar than keyboard).

Now, I learn to play "Menghitung Hari" from Kris Dayanti...well, I almost finish the song...I still don't know how to play the end of the song (cause I never really listen to Kris Dayanti's music). The good news is now I have a partner to learn keyboard. She is a master to translate music into melody (one thing I can't do it at all...yeah actually, I'm lousy at music). After finishing this song, I wanna learn "Bunda" from Potret.

Music makes me feel alive..:D

2005-11-30T13:34:00.000-08:00

About Life

Well, I really really need challenges to see that I'm still alive. If I have nothing to do, then I feel that I'm useless. Comfortability sometimes makes me really bored. I just wanna do something that I like and I want.

Adrenaline gives me pleasure more than anything (but not too much adrenaline cause fear freaks me out). Without challenge, I'll do the very destructive way to show who really I am. Not such a good face to show, but yet I need to release energy deep inside me. I see the meaning of life by creation and destruction. If I cannot create, then in time I'll destroy it. The birth and the death is the immortal cycle of life, can't you see it?

2005-10-30T05:17:00.000-08:00

Baksos MyQuran

Hmm, weeks ago MyQ commenced baksos at Depok. This time, Iwas just a guest, and didn't help anything for the preparation. Well, it was ok and good for me (I was late almost 6 hours and came at 3 in the evening). I had to wait my friends.

Well, I was surprised to see the kid there. They were very excited when I got their picture. Probably, they wanna be a photomodel or atist..ha ha ha..:D :D

But, one thing that makes me sad, that they are poor, have a lack of good education (from their parents, their community or formal education), and not many things I can do for them. It's just so sad to see young man like them with lack of ethics (hmm...education sets our mind, right??). I wanna do something for them...But what? None the answers I can find...So I guess, I have to keep in mind and be patience until the time comes.

2005-10-20T15:13:00.000-07:00

Making a Book

Well, I have plan to make a book start from next week. This week is full of schedule, so I can't rest at all. I wanna create a book about management. I have the concept, and I wanna implement it. Management is one of my specialized skill. I claim that I almost a master for that (believe it or not, I don't mind at all).

But, I need data to accomplish it. I have the global thought...but still lack of detail. I hope I can dig it from other literature. Well, this project makes me excited...and release my burden. I can accomodate my pressure and my desire with something positive.

Hopefully, I can accomplish the book in a year. Wish me luck.

2005-10-13T16:27:00.000-07:00

Burangrang's Journey

Well, I hiked to the mountain Burangrang several days ago. Actually, I rather bored for this hiking cause I visited Burangrang twice. Actually, the plan is to trip to Mt. Putri. But suddenly, there was news that Mt. Putri is not a "mountain". It's just a hill or a place for recreation (like Puncrut). So, the plan was changed suddenly.

I tripped with several friends...Only Miss Hanifah was the new member for me. It was an easy trip..and there were no problems at all when I hiked. We enjoyed the journey, though some of my friends got exhausted since she didin't rest at night (what a tough girl...ha ha ha). I took a lot of picture to test my digital camera and to collect picture for CD Interactive. Some of the pictures are really cool (just like the picture of Kantong Semar...a rare plant in the wild).

But the problem is started when I went down. Well, I had to catch up a meeting in Bandung at 4 p.m. So, I went down alone frome the peak and left my friends behind. I never went alone in the mountain before...but this time, I had to do this. I ran as fast as I can, almost without stopping. It took only 45 minutes to get to the starting point. But bang! I lost in the middle of nowhere. Unfortunately, I ddidn't bring any food or water..and both of my leg started to crame because of the running. I almost thought that I would die there (Yupe, what a dramatize thought). Alhamdulillah, I found a village....Thank God, I met several good guys there who offered me food and drink. One of the good guy that I will remember is Mr. Ato. Man, I'm really really exhausted and hungry, so I eat like I never eat before.

Finally, I reached UPI Mosque and had a meeting with MyQ-ers. After the meeting was over, my friends asked me to get dinner. Well, deep in the heart...I really thank God that I survived that day. It was so clumsy for me to run in the jungle, without food and enough water and without knowledge about the track.

2005-10-12T14:48:00.000-07:00

Free at Last

Well, for years I seek an answer...think that it would not be found...I can't make peace with my mind. Deep inside, I scream in the cell...Always wonder what my shortcoming is....I am a prisoner of my own thought that nobody realize it. I always try to find the answer by myself. I guess time has the power to control the scenario of the story. I am immature for the whole time, and now I grow up a little. Acceptance of the destiny is the key...without cursing for the misery.

Well, at last...I understand the answer...and now I can rest for a while. I am free at last. Free to decide what I should do for my future. Free to go far beyond the past without feeling any guilty. Like a bird, I fly around the world to see the beauty of the universe.

I am the way I am. And that's the way it is.

2005-08-30T08:40:00.000-07:00

Interesting Challenge

Well, today...I'm offerred an interesting job..though it would probably make me exhausted..But, I think I'll like the challlenge. For the whole days, I feel useless..cause I don't use all of my competence. Just programming skills...and it makes me sick. I need a real opportunity to actualize myself. My energy is accumulated..and it turns to a storm...You know, I wanna develop myself to achieve the dreams..And when it failed...I feel sinking in the deep of the ocean.

Though, the future is still blurring..and I still cannot trust in hope...I can see more clearly now..The clouds are gone...And I'm waiting the light of the sun.

2005-08-25T17:31:00.000-07:00

Hiking Schedule

Two weeks ahead, I have several agendas that attract me. This weekend, I will camp at Curug Nangka at Salak Mountain. It is held by MyQuran Community (MyQPALA). The members who will camp there are about 80 people. But not all of them would stay in saturday's night, cause some girls are not allowed by their parent to stay outside (very strange for me..but perhaps, women have more strict rule for this).

And after that, I will hike with my friends to Galunggung...Well, I don't hike lately..but I think it wouldn't be so hard. I asked several friends of mine to join...there will be 5-6 people who would join by my invitation. The total hikers who would hike are about 30 people. Galunggung is a mountain in Tasikmalaya region. It has a lake near the peak. And my friend says that we could fish there (yummy!!!!).

Well, I will give the news later...Now, I have to get back to work....:D

2005-08-15T08:16:00.000-07:00

The Long and Winding Road

I feel so down...unspeakable...

The days turn to blue, and the road seems so long...I wonder if I can face all of this matter...What do you want from me, O Lord? I stare at the night, and the sky doesn't give answer, it remains dark...dark as my heart can be..even the stars are fading away...In this blistering cold, only tears that felt warm..But, I left tears years ago..Would I see the sun again in tomorrow? Those shinings when the flower grows...Is it just a delussion?

I am totally weak...and I feel my human side starts to leave me...Now I'm just a robot that moves in order and morphing into a beast that I do not recognize. My mind plays with me and now laughing me, should I believe it? My faith of my fate...could I fulfill it, or it's just a stubborn's dream that lie about future? "Never I surrender", that's something I always say to myself..but perhaps, this time I betray it for some reasons...Reasons that I never predict before.
Me-the-jackal...one who hunts alone in the wild...I've shed too much blood, and the wound never really heals. Scars teach me how to deal with pains...

I'm questioning of myself...and may God gives me answer...

2005-04-17T00:54:00.000-07:00

Billiard

One of my favourite sport is billiard. I play it for the first time when I was working at eBdesk. Well, there were some people at eBdesk who like playing it very much. They played it routinely. One time, when National Data project at jakarta was finished, I was invited to play it. Hmmm, I like the game though I was not good that time. They taught me how to handle stick and how to shoot.
After that, I didin't play it for a long time. But one day, I asked several friends to play billiard with me. I learned a lot there, although most of the time I was frustated to play it cause I cannot shoot with full power.But, I have a principal that "if someone can do that, so do I". So, I learn with my best effort.
Hmm.....after 6 months, I begin to understand how to play it well. Also, the virtual pool game is really helpful to understand billiard. Now, I can shoot it better. My accurracy is quite good, and the important thing : I can shoot the ball hardly. The sound when the balls collide is so amazing. Thanks to shooter group who teaches me all of the time. It's a good time to be amongst them.

2005-04-07T07:13:00.000-07:00

The Vision

I believe in visions that lead us to a better world. I act just because of idealism, and don't really care about anything else (like money). But tonight, I feel once again I have to question my idealism...Is the company's vision accomodate my vision? Or it's just my ilussion? I'm searching the answer.....
Is it my path to be here? Or is it not? The answer will bring me into decision. But, I think whatever happens, I'll have to wait for 2 more years.
Actually, I wanna write many things here; but after I think a while, I'll have to be more carefull. Patience may be the best answer for all this.

2005-04-04T06:20:00.000-07:00

Selling Technique

In the end of the islamic book fair, I had to work at the stand as a seller. This time, I was accompanied by other friend. He's the director of a big plant at Cikarang and the commisioner of my company. Actually, he was just came by to the stand, but after talking a while he aggreed to sell our product together. So, I and he sold Interactive CD together.
It was so interesting to see how the expert works proffesionaly. I guess he is trained so well to sell something. I learn from him a while and get a significant result. The first thing to remember when you sell something is confidence. Without confidence of yourself and your product, nobody will be interested. After you have the confidence, you have to show the product, explain it carefully with huge anthusiasm, and you could give a little demo. Make the consumer focus to yourself. After that, give some times for the consumer to ask things from you. Well, if you wanna learn it, you have to do it in real. It's not as simple as I write (I still have to learn it well). Many things could be barrier while you're trying to offer something to someone.
Anyway, everyday in life we are selling something. Maybe, it's not thing that we sell; but an idea. For example : when we were baby, we cried when we want toys. So, I think we should know the best way to sell if we want anyone would accept our idea.

2005-03-31T06:58:00.000-08:00

Something New

Well, yesterday, I learn something interesting, being an SPB (Sales Promotion Boys). It's just a simple stupid job perhaps. But, I enjoy it. I stay at the stand of our product in Islamic Book Fair.

Well, the oppurtinity for becoming SPB gives me a true knowledge how to sell something to someone. I'm still not good at it, although I hate to admit it. I'm still too shy to offer something to someone that I don't know. Starting the conversation makes me feel sick. But duty is priority. And from the obligation of a duty I learn new things.

Actually, I don't really like my work at the office as programmer cause it makes me 24 hours at the office. I hate to be in prison like this, starring at the computer all the time. Man! I'm not a robot. I almost think that I do not learn something positive, so why do I have to stay? Many things make me dissapointed. It isn't as nice as the first time I thought about the idea becoming an enterpreneur. But, I still hold on. Hopefully, until the company is establised well. The knowledge like being an SPB gives me more motivation for not surrender. Anyway, we don't get things we want all the time. Right, eh?

2005-03-22T17:38:00.000-08:00

MyQuran

I found an interesting community in Internet at www.myquran.org . At first, my friend told me that there is an interesting article there. The content of the article is the characteristic of a perfect man. My friend discuss the article and compare it with me whether I am a perfect man or not :(. She said that at least I fit 2 from 20 character. Glux! What ashamed!

From there, I follow the conversation in the forum as passive member. There are so many topic there and give me a huge knowledge; just like the mahzab of Ahlul Bait (Syi'ah), NII, and so many fiqh. After reading it, I was willing to join the conversation, and I find so many interesting people with various thoughts. Hmm, such a beauty pluralism! We share our thoughts, discuss it, and make our own conclusion (which is different for each persons).

And now, I will meet the community in real life (I meet one of them yesterday). I'm eager to find out what the persons look life in reality. In the forum, some of them are very idealistic person. But, I find in real life, they could tolerate the differences.

Well, April the 10th is the schedule of the meeting. I hope I can come and join the silaturrahim.

Don't forget to join the community at MyQuran

2005-01-25T14:34:00.000-08:00

Bukit Tunggul's Expedition

On saturday, I was hiking to the mountain of Bukit Tunggul. I left home at 06.00 a.m. I thought that it would be an easy trip (since the name of Bukit Tunggul -- that means only a hill), but guess again! I was totally wrong. It's surely a mountain and the highest mountain in Bandung.
I hiked with several foreign students, they came from different countries like Laos, Campuchea, Japan, and Malaysia. They never hike before since there aren't any mountains in their country.
At first, the journey was still ok. But after an hour, we got lost in the middle of great bushes. The bushes made my skin very itchy and surely it hurts me a lot. We passed that bush field in about one hour. After passing the field, we got lunch on the top of a hill. Well, we can see the real mountain from the hill. I still thought it won't be so hard.
The real journey is begun at 13.00 p.m. Man! It's not what I think. The route is so slippery and steep too. Well, I didn't prepare anything for hard hiking. I don't do sports lately cause I have to work in office, and my last hiking was about one year ago. So, the suffering was really begun. I got bad headache, my sight was blurring, I got puke twice on the mountain, and crame on both of my legs. Good God! I never ever feel something worst like this on my previous adventure before. I think I would be blackout on the middle of journey. But I said to myself : "I cannot stop here, One way or another I'll reach the top even if I have to crawl to achieve that". Luckily, one of my friend joins Hikmatul Iman. He gave me theraphy to heal my sickness. He transferred inner strength to me...I felt warm on the leg. (Thanks Bro, you're really good pal). Along the journey, I thougt God gives me this suffering cause my ignorance to the suffering of Aceh's people. If I can ignore for what happened in Aceh, so can God to me.
Finally, we reached the top. We took some picture, prayed on the peak of the mountain, and went down. We were arrived to Lembang at 19.00 p.m. I and several friends went to a cafe to drink fresh milk. From there, I had to accompany one of my friend to her home (cause she's a girl and it would be dangerous for a girl to go out at night). I was arrived at home at 00.30 a.m. I felt so exhausted, but I took a bath first (I was really really dirty).
Well, the journey was over in one day. I was exciting afterall.

2005-01-13T10:23:00.000-08:00

Street Musician

I travel Bandung-Jakarta almost in every weekend. In bus, I often see street musician. They are quite good sometimes. And sometimes, I enjoy their quick show. They use different kind of instrument (like drum, guitar, harmonica). They sing a good song. My favourite are Iwan Fals's Song. But, sometimes, they sing another good songs (like Peterpan). Lately, I find nice street musician. They are polite, singing about social phonemonen, and play something good and creative.
But sometimes, I face a fierce street musician who just ask the money but play a worst nigtmare. I'd rather call this kind of street musician as ROBBER. They don't have manners at all. They threat old people, yell at all the passanger; and instead of singing, they only scream. I never give money to people like that, no matter how angry they are. Actually, sometimes I worry about this too, but my pride won't let me surrender to scum like them. Just beware when you have to go to Kiara Condong Station in Bandung or Solo's terminal. But, it was two years ago, maybe they don't appear anymore there.
Well, right now I sing a song from street musician. I don't know the title or the full lyric. Perhaps, it is a song created by them, or just a transformation from another popular song (I search in Internet to find what the song is, but I couldn't find it...hiks). Here is the lyric :

Saudaraku-saudaraku di Aceh sana
Gembiralah , gembira kita semua
Walau kau makan, sisa-sisa orang
Ta'bahkanlah hatimu................

Salam kami dari bocah pewaris negeri ini
Salam kami dari bocah pewaris negeri (diulang 2x)

2005-01-05T10:36:00.000-08:00

Books

Well, I like books so much. I feel that I see the other side of the world by reading books. It helps me understanding other's people mind, fairy tale, accurate strategy,etc and also it is fun. Although right now, I don't have much time to read books, still I love them. I have my own private library contains hundreds of books; and I hope in several years later I have thousands of books (yeah, it's quite impossible). I like almost all kind of subjects. You name it! Psychology, management, religion, politic, economic, religion, comic (certainly!), and also novel. Some of my books are even so strange. I have a guidance how to make a good rebellion, machevillian's way, psychoanalysis written by sigmund freud.Why the hell an IT engineer read books like this?? I even don't know. Sometimes, the subject or the title attracts me, but later I find it really boring and hard to understand. Still, I have to finish it. Oh, Man!!!!
But unfortunately I'm not smart :((. Really. I don't understand some of the books I read. Just like when I try to read The third way from Giddens or History of God by Karen Armstrong. Good God! It's so hard to finish reading them. Sometimes, I feel very sick but I already have bought it. Comparing of my SKAU friends, I am nothing :((.
For the collection I have, I get some nominee for several subjects. For novel books: Tetralogi Pulau Buru (a very patriotic one and so inspiring to help making visions), Dead poet society (A lovely poem of life), Harry Potter (the imagination beyond limit), Dunia Sophie (A philosophy book for novice like me). For economic books : The future of Islamic Economy (the integration for some subjects to create an islamic economy). For politic books : Facism (story of Hitler --full of history). For psychology books : 7 habits (change your life!), how to win friends and influence people (a simple truth that people easily forget), man's search of meaning (Life means something). For business books: Rich Dad Poor Dad (business class 101). For management books : I dont' get a very good book but Management 5th edition that I copied from my friend at psychology unpad is interesting enough. For religion books: Muhammad (A sirah in different style -- very touching), Road to mecca (a journey of truth's searching). For education books : Filsafat dan praktik pendidikan, totto-chan (a must for PAS-ers), Orang miskin dilarang sekolah (yeah, capitalism doesn't work for education -- Revolution for better education!!! Revolution!!!). For comic books: Ruler of The Land (very funny and amusing), Dandoh (a very different comic --touching, meaningfull, but written in simple way).
Yeah, that's all. Books are really interesting. I mean it. You will get wisdom from it; or at least a better view for the world. Try to read sometime; or if you don't like it, push yourself (sometimes, I push myself too --it's not a habit that easily get). Well, I better hurry to catch up the books I don't read yet.

2005-01-03T13:57:00.000-08:00

Desperation

Two days ago, I felt desperate. not much time, I feel like this. I feel that someone stabbed at my back, betrayed for what I believe. I feel anger in my heart(that doesn't stop even until now). But instead of crying or just cursing; I felt I have to do something more positive. I have to transferred this into inspiration. you know, desperation is a quite good inspiration. If you like linkin park, you will feel that some of their lyric is talking about desperation.
So I wrote two poems to remind me that I can't stuck here (one I will write here..). I have to push myself to move for seeing the broadening view of the world. My dear, it's just a test. Welcome to reality. Idealism is perhaps something expensive. You rarely get someone who share the same idealism, even someone that you trust.
I have a promise to keep. In ten years, I will prove it -- whether I am trustable to keep it or not. Time would tell me.

Menerobos belukar mimpi
Takkan pernah mudah
Dan seharusnya tak boleh mudah
Sebab perjuangan mengarungi samudera
Lebih berharga ketimbang manisnya cita

Kau adalah apa yang kau impikan
Sebab mimpi itu nyata;
Dan menunggu jadi nyata
Dia ada --
Selama kau percaya

Air mata boleh menderai
Darah boleh berurai
Persembahan tuk mencapai?
(Sekiranya ini pun masih berharga!)
Tabir takdir musti disingkir
Dan di seberang sana,
Ada istana Sang Raja

2004-12-29T19:55:00.000-08:00

A Praying for Aceh

At first, I didn't really know about tragedy in Aceh and didn't really care either. I just thought, it is a usual natural disaster (shame for me!!!!). I seldom watch TV or read newspaper, so the information came so late.
I read about tragedy in Aceh from an e-mail 3 days later. Astaghfirullah....it was a very huge natural disaster. You can imagine there was a wave as high as 20 m. Who will be survive in then?? Not much building left there, and the body is everywhere. So many people (espescially children) died in the tragedy, so many wives became a widow, and the children doesn't have their family again. Tear of the blood is shed in the land of Aceh.
Death sometimes so close with us. One moment we are laughing, and a minute later everything is taken from us. No one could save us since it is destiny of human to be weak.
Is this the God's anger to Indonesia? Why God gives punishment to Aceh, the place that has suffered so long? I don't say that there is an in-justice in God's act, but I wonder of the reason. Justice could be the expensive words for Aceh. They fought for Indonesia about 30 years against Netherland. And which army was sent by netherland to stop Aceh's rebellion? Yeah, the javaneese people (shame for me as javaneese!!!). And when Indonesia is free, they don't keep their promise to give Islamic's law there. A rebellion happened again until now. They give their richness to build Monas and what is the payment from Indonesia?? Aceh's wealth is robbed by government. Arun -The promised land that has natural gaze- is taken with a very little payment to Aceh's people. No wonder they are so angry to Indonesia. Indonesia, on the other hand, doesn't act wisdomly. Their anger is faced by weapon, not love.
Now, they are suffered again. I feel like hipocrete right now. Meanwhile my brother in Aceh is in hunger, cold, or wounded; I am still fine without doing anything. Well, I hope I can spend something for them although it's not enough.
The best I can do, I will pray for them. Hopefully, those who died could enter the heaven. And those who survive will have serenity to face the disaster. And those who know the tragedy could take the lesson from all of this. Amin.

2004-12-28T13:39:00.000-08:00

Of Choice and Consequence
It's a simple concept but has a great affect for one who really realize it.
Back then, several years before, I was almost a loser. I didn't know why I should live and how I can fulfill my life in a better way. I knew a little how to communicate with others and I was very afraid facing this world. Pothetic huh!Yeah, I was totally freak that time.
One moment changed me for the rest of my life. It was like a snowball that create a chain of action. Well, the story is begun when I went to a discussion about five years ago with Mr. Mashuhul Amri in pengajian jurusan. He told us how to make your life worthy. In the end, he told the reference of a book named "the 7 habits". I was very interested so I went to palasari and bought that book. It was the first psycological book for me.
After reading it in three months, I realized that something wrong was in my mind. I gave up for bad condition that really pushed me. I didn't give my best effort to change something into what I want. Instead of trying to make changes, I accepted whatever I dislike. I blame and curse other people for things that happened to me. I was waiting for a savior when the salvation's in my hand. Is it something familiar for yourself?
The first rule of changing something is being proactive. That way, no matter what happens, you could see a different view of bad situation. Life is consequences of our own choice. We decide our life independently. Life is a responsible for ourselves. The word responsible comes from respond-ability, the ability to choose a respond for a certain condition. Knowing that you are the one who has the reponsibility for the result makes you realize the value of choice. It's not lecturer's fault if you have "E" for a study, or it's not your friend's mistake when you don't get anything good in this life. It is you who choose your own life. There are some consequences when you decide your choice, some bad and some good. Just beware about it, and if you fail, make it as a lesson. But if you success walking through it, you will realize the truth of the concept.
This simple truth brings me into real action. "I must do something", that voice told me. So, I joined an organization named PAS-ITB. I joined it in my 3rd year, quite late actually. But that place helped me a lot to make the changes. So many lessons I got from there. I write in another blog cause it's a long story.
Well, I don't say now I am a good one, I still try to be better. Sometimes, I am drowned into the deep and feels desperate about myself. But, I always remind myself : 'Hey Ruli, wake up! There is a dream waiting for you in the end of the day. You can't stuck here. Change yourself if you have to, you aren't perfect but you could be better somehow."

2004-12-21T23:27:00.000-08:00

Standards
So many standards and rules in this world. People are trying to make life easier by correcting others that don't follow standards. I dislike standards, and I even against it. Only working standards in working environment that I follow (it's correlated with profesionalism), not for other standards (espescially standards of life).
Today, standards of life is measured by how rich or how succesfull you are. People are so influenced by capitalism and materialism, and don't really care that life is not only about money or wealth. There are indeed meanings why we have to go through this life. Well, I'm a rebellion afterall and Green Day is my second national antheme, so just like Simple Plan say "It's me against the world" (yeah,talking about hyperbolic!).
To reach that standards, there is a kind of myth that people would tell you. You have to work in a big company, getting a high position and high salary, having a stable life, etc and in the end you will be happy. That's what all of my family told me. I don't say that I don't like money. Albert Camus said that "It is a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money". But still, not only money that gives us happiness. Anyway, I'm out of the standards, so I would find my own way and follow just like Naruto say "If you are a man, choose a life that you will not regret".
Not only that standards that I dislike. Many people are so afraid about being different. Differentiate is almost a sin. Acknowledgement of being normal from others are so important. If you are a colleage then you have to study hard, getting "A" for all kind of subjects, and graduate as cum laude so you will success in life. Sounds familiar?? For me, going to university is to get knowledge and then you could have more wisdom in life (that's why I don't like cheating in exam). I don't really care that my IP is lower than 3. IP does not reflect who I am. It's not a sin. I choose that way. So what??? Just like Keating say in dead poet society "Uniformity is dangerous". People are unique, you could not judge them or even tell them in an exacly same way. Principal like morale values are immortal, but the standard methods could be changed.
Probably, I'm just talking bluff and one day I wake up and say "I should follow standard when I was young". But that time is not coming yet (And I'm working hard that I would not turn into something like that). Now is the time to prove the life of un-regret must be followed.

2004-12-15T14:02:00.000-08:00

Philosophy
Few days ago, my friend talked with me about philosophy. Thank God! I don't talk lately about that since I don't know whom I can make a nice conversation about that.
My friend studies at Unpad, that's why she knows many things about human beings. She's just like me, trying to search the truth in this world. Well, she's just starting to search. But, definitely she's smarter than me in philosophy. That's why she studies at psychology unpad meanwhile I studied at really boring IT and work behind the desk:(. Ugh.....I envy her for the knowledge she has.
Well, we talk about love (don't make any wrong subtitution, it's about love of God, not love of man-woman), about sufism, about ordinary life, about our dreams ahead, even about business rules (this is the ultimate reasons why I had to meet her actually). Really, I enjoyed that conversation. After SKAU (my organization for philosphy things) is closed, I find noone whom I could share about philosophy. Moreover, I have to work hard this time. I really miss SKAU's crews. They are really nice people, smart, and hunger for the knowledge, and somehow still humorous persons. When we make a meeting to make programme, it would turned into discussion about life. That's why SKAU is diificult to make a movement, I guess.
Sometimes, I stuck with persons who spends the days for rutin activity. they don't see that life is beautiful, that life is meaningful and has some purposes to fulfill. I don't say that they are boring or they aren't attractive (in fact, they are really nice people and a good pal), but I have a hunger about life's philosophy and I'd like to share it with others. And lately, because I have to move to jakarta, I don't have partner for that.
Hmm, I read a good poetry from dead poet society. What amazing one....If I still have tears, then I should cry for this poet. Here is the poet

O Me! O Life!

By Walt Whitman

O ME! O life!... of the questions of these recurring;

Of the endless trains of the faithless—of cities fill’d with the foolish;

Of myself forever reproaching myself, (for who more foolish than I, and who more faithless?)

Of eyes that vainly crave the light—of the objects mean—of the struggle ever renew’d;

Of the poor results of all—of the plodding and sordid crowds I see around me;

Of the empty and useless years of the rest—with the rest me intertwined;

The question, O me! so sad, recurring—What good amid these, O me, O life?

Answer:

That you are here—that life exists, and identity;
That the powerful play goes on, and you will contribute a verse.

2004-11-22T04:51:00.000-08:00

The "I"

Hmm, I got little comment on this blog. It said that I'm talking to much about myself. Well, that's right I guess. This blog is completely talking about myself. but I have reasons for that.
I really want to improve my English, that's why I make this blog in English. Actually,I want to tell story about many things else (just like my friends or my family). But, I don't get any permissions from them. It would be un-ethic then. That's why there aren't any names here. And I don't want to put any articles here cause it would not improve my English. So, I guess this blog is only about me. Btw, yesterday I met some Vietnameesse and we talk in english. I really glad that now I am capable enough talking in english. Thank God!
The second reason is that this blog is to remind myself for my vision and my point of view. I don't really intend this blog to be read by someone else. That's why I dont publish it to anyone. I only tell people if they ask the address of this blog. Really!
So, perhaps you now realized what this blog is about. you may find it really boring or quite usefull for yourself. Whatever it is, you now know the consequences of reading this blog. you can decide for yourself. Actually, there is a 'hadits" from the beloved prophet that the worst story is the story about ourselves. But, considering the reasons of making this blog and the risk I'll take, then I decide that I keep writing blog by this way.

P.S : I make another blog. It is nameless, just dedicated for our nation. You could visit it at http://pendidikanindonesia.blogspot.com But the blog isn't completed yet. I have to find usefull resource to be put there.

2004-10-26T16:45:00.000-07:00

In Ramadhan
This ramadhan, I change some behaviors and attitudes that I usually do. Not easy, I guess. But I know, I can do that.
After a conversation with my friend, I realize that I'm still a spoil man. Well, I still like to play around, I don't like too much hard working (though I'm a work-alcoholic), and espescially I don't like being under someone else. I'm not easy to work under someone's superior. My pride is too high to beat. Sometimes, this kind of behavior ruins the working I've done.
Beyond that, other bad behaviors must be changed. Well, I talk coldly (sometimes quite rude too) with others. Although that is not a real big problem until now, it is not good either. people is easily influenced by others if he/she trusts someone. A rude people, for surely is not trustable. If I try to change others, then I must change myself first.
After practical changing and some analysis, now I realize the truth of influence power. I don't say that I'm better now; I'm still not satisfy with my transformation. I'm still far away from my destination. But, I'm getting closer step by step.
This ramadhan is a moment to prove my commitment. Would I stand still to the end?

2004-10-11T19:39:00.000-07:00

Third Transformation

Well, it's long enough that I do not write anything in this blog. I have made own diaries on computer actually (in English too), just to remind me something important.
I really like Green Day. I' ve heard all of their albums. Right now, I listen to their newest album : American Idiot. One of their song fits for my condition right now. Its title is Boulevard of Broken Dreams.

I walk a lonely road
The only one that I have ever known
Don't know where it goes
But it's home to me and I walk alone
I walk this empty street
On the Boulevard of broken dreams
Where the city sleeps
And I'm the only one and I walk alone
My shadows the only one that walks beside me
My shallow hearts the only thing that's beating
Sometimes I wish someone out there will find me
'Till then I'll walk alone

I'm walking down the line
That divides me somewhere in my mind
On the border line of the edge
And where I walk alone
Read between the lines
What's f***ed up and everything's alright
Check my vital signs to know I'm still alive
And I walk alone

I' ve read a really good book today from Dale Carnegie. And I found so many mistakes that I have made so far. I know why sometimes I feel so lonely. I make promise that once again I have to move on and change myself. I called it my third transformation. If I really want to change my country and my community into better world; then I must do it, no matter what it costs.

2004-08-13T20:56:00.000-07:00

Our Next Generation

I like western music, movies from Hollywood. Sometimes, I go to mall just for fun. I read comics. I enjoy playing billiard. I'm no freak person. I can tolerate this kind of life style. I'm cool about that. But, with some boundaries.
Few days ago, I walked on Dago Street at Saturday Night. Well, I seldom did this. I think it would waste my time. There are always traffic jam there. I walked around there just because my friend who came from far town asked me. She wanted to know the famous dago on saturday night. At Dago, I saw something I most dislike. Useless generation! I hope I don't use rude words 'bout this. I know I don't have any rights to judge people. But I saw some people getting drunk, I saw some people wasting their time, I saw some people spending their money for nothing, but not far away from them, beggars were begging money. I am dissapointed about that. I'm feeling sorry for them. But what can I do? Complaining is not enough.
Well, I'm almost speechless. I remember the music from POD, "We are youth of the nation!". Some people may be ignores about our hero, their effort to build this nation. They sacrificed their life for that. But what do we do to appreciate that?? Nothing!!! Some of our next generation only knows about having fun, spending money, wasting time. They try to be hippies. They come from rich people who have money. But they are not wise enough about their money. I am not dare to imagine how our next generation in 20 years ahead. If they stay like this, then we are hopeless.

2004-07-30T16:44:00.000-07:00

The Future
The future is about the uncertainty. Have you watched Paycheck? Starring by Ben Affleck and directed by John Woo -- I like All John Woo's Film. Trying to control the future is disaster. Because uncertainty brings us hope. If we try to control it, we lost our faith on hope. Hope could be the most powerful element on humans. Hope is the driving forces of all human's action.
Humanistic psychology relies on the foundation of the future's man. Man as the assumption of humanistic psychology acts for the vision of the future. The change of who you are right now is the main purpose. Humanistic psychology is different from behavioristic psychology or psycho analysis. They depend on the past to make the analysis. Man is coming from the past but I believe he goes for the future.
Looking at the back is a good thing. But if you see it every time then you will be failed. Just like when you drive a car, if you look the mirror all the time, you will be crushed. Your car will have terrible accident. Just do it in rare, for some times, just to know where to turn. Focus on your road straight ahead, then you will be save.

2004-07-28T21:28:00.000-07:00

Love
I see love as something complicated. There are so many cries, anger, deceit, and so on. I'm quite pragmatic person. Love is just not fit for me. But love has its happiness. Something that every person looks for. I think it is a fate of man to love and to be loved. Even I cannot avoid this.
Few months ago, I had a debate with my friend about love. I disagree about love of Laila-Majnun or Romeo-Juliet. They disgrace the meaning of love. To love somebody doesn't mean that you have to die for it. More over, you don't have to commit suicide about it. I believe that love was created to help humans to know their nobility. By knowing love, you could be a better person. You could be a very humble person or a forgiveful one. A worship of love that goes too far brings people into darkness. If you really love somebody, then gives your best for her. Don't fall in love in yourself that makes you to be selvish. You can't really fall in love to someone if you just see your intent in her. Hey wake up! True love is about to give not to take. How could you say that you love something then you don't want to struggle for the one you love.
Struggling of love isn't look like Laila and Majnun (I did read the book too!). Majnun realy wants Laila for her. He ignores his family, his friend, and anything else around him. Only the passion of Laila that he cares. Laila in the other hand feels sad about him. In the end, they die together. Why don't they realize there is another way for struggling love? Keeping the best memory in yourself about him/her is a struggle too. Using the memories to make yourself to be a better person is a struggle too. I see love in its productive side, not in contra-productive.
But anyway, love is irrational. Something rational or realistic may not fit for it. You can't push the concept of love to everyone. I know it can't be. Love is about feeling too. And every person has his own feeling.
For the end of this writing, I will take a poem that I read in a caffe. It's a good poem.

Woman

Was created from the rib of man

Not from his head
To be above him

Nor from his feet
To be below him

But from his side
To be his partner

Closed to his arm
To be protected

And closed to his heart
To be loved

2004-07-23T17:33:00.000-07:00

The Fate
I've watched a good film today. It is "last samurai". At first, I dislike this movie. How could American becomes the last samurai. But after all, the meaning of the movie is very good. There are so much wisdom to be learned. There is a conversation between Nathan and Katsumoto before the final war. It's about destiny. Well, I can't give the complete conversation, but Nathan said "A man does what he can, until his destiny is revealed to him". It makes me thinking about the fate of man.
Sometimes, I wonder about destiny. Are we just following God's will? Do we just like the puppet of The God? Then why does God blame for our crime if it is as the will of The Lord? Thus, I do not believe in pre-destination concept. We are the free will creature. God just makes the potency for human being. But only us who choose how to use it. Is it for goodness or for evil?
Anyway, for so long I always think what would I end up. A scumbag man, a useless person, the forgotten one, or I would end up in "husnul khotimah" way, whatever it is. I'd like to die as warrior in battle field, but that's just a kid's dream. I guess, it's not my future :((.
Even so, the path of life is sometimes unbelieveable. You'll never know what lies ahead. In my past, I did something unforgiven --sounds lik Metallica's song:). For these days, I never felt the sunlight. Each of minute was the question why I had to keep living. The future got darker for me. But one moment, the light of The One made my sight clearer. It swept away the mist from my heart. I still carry the burden inside, but slowly the wound is healed. Just like Hannibal said in Red Dragon, "Our scars are the power to remind us that the past was real". The experiences of the past makes me avoiding it from repeated again. This empirical experiences prove to me that I could be a better person if I try.
Now, I know what my life's purpose. But still, I don't know whether I can reach it or not. Would I trap into pitfall again someday? Does my step go inbto the right direction? A good ending of life? Is it my fate? Or is it not?
Indeed, life is a question that needs our best effort to answer.

2004-06-21T01:13:00.000-07:00

Dream of Life
I formulate my own dreams right now. Long time ago, I have formulated it. But that's not enough. I don't have the strategy of how to reach it. But, I do have now.
My dream is to build my nation into its victory. I'm sick to see this country suffers, although we're rich country. our people's mind is a slave for another culture.I'm Indonesian youth. I have idealism to change this, but how?? sometimes I wonder why God puts this idealism into me. It would be so much easier if God puts this into Megawati or Amien Rais, or Wiranto. They have the power and capability to change this country in large scale, Why me? Why not other? I don't judge that Mr. Amien rais or Wiranto, or Jusuf Kalla doesn't have this idealism. It just that I wonder why must me? It would be misterious for me after all. Sometimes, I just wanna enjoy my life like others, don't have to think like this all the time.
Well, my strategy doesn't begin at political frame. It would be hard for me. I want to move from social economic ways. My prophet is a trader too, and I see that it is a good starting point. I wanna build Indonesian's economic that would affect into social-culture. I wanna build many companies. My target is five companies in 10 years. I don't think I can actually. My capability is limited after all. Thus, I do have to think for my personal life. Until now, I don't think so much about marriage, but I'm 24 years old. Normally, man in the age like me is ready to marry. So many friends and family that warn me about this. Well, I leave this matter for another blog. It would be long talk about this.
Nah, I have built of of my company right now. I'm the stakeholder also the employee there. Thanks for the sincere of my friends who let me try and learn about business. They found new company, they give me share, and they let me work there. If I succeed there, then I would try to build my other company. But I will focus at here for just 3-5 years.
I know my capability is limited. But I trust the concept of "forever learning". I hope I can learn how to build bussiness though I don't have so many competencies. Wish me luck. Ok???

2004-06-01T01:54:00.001-07:00

As The Ocean Calls

Hmm, I have to move from my work once again. My friends offered me an interesting job. Being an entrepeneur, something I really want. I could not tell what the content business is since it is not clear yet. My plan for moving is about at the end of June. I have to complete my work at AKAL first.
Few days ago, all of the AKAL's crew went to Pangandaran beach. At the first time, I wasn't interested at all. I had visited there about four times. But after stayed there for a day, I found a pleasure. We went to a placed named Green Canyon. It was a very interesting place. If you go to Pangandaran, make sure that you don't miss The Green Canyon, espescially if you are an adventurer. Well, it was a canyon with beauty waterfall and a wild river. When we went there, it was flood. But we insisted to swim there. Wow.....very exciting thing, swimming against the wild wave to reach the waterfall. It was hard and painfull too. And that was the first time for me to jump from the height. It was quite scarry. Some my friends were surprised when I jumped.
Sadly for me, that after the journey, I have to go on from this company. I like people here. They are nice people and some of them have same vision with me. But The Ocean calls me once again, and as a sailor no refusal there is.

2004-05-17T02:03:00.000-07:00

The difference
I think, I was born to be different. So different, I mean. The differentiation between me and other people is so big. What I think, talk, and act could be very controversial to others. It made some problems at first time, but later I can accept it.
By being different, I know how hard to be different. I am more sensitive to give emphaty for the difference that other people carry. All people actually have uniqueness of his own. But for some people, the degree of the uniqueness is so huge.
Yesterday, I talked to my friend. After we talked so many things, we talked about the differences. From that talking, I conclude that differences are "Sunatullah" (Rule from The God). We are born to be different, no one doesn't live in the same way to other people. By understand this, we could respect for other people believe. The 2nd Conclusion was the differences are "Rahmatullah" (The Bliss from The God). As a painting, it would be so boring if it uses one color. The differences are the beauty itself. Trying to realize it gives ourselves happiness of life. There wouldn't be the confrontation between different races, religions, nor nations.
But don't mess this concept with sincretism. I don't say that differencess blurred the Exact Truth. Surely, we have to keep our faith, but stil we respect other people believes. Don't trapped into relativity just because you're trying to respect the difference.

2004-05-14T02:30:00.000-07:00

Baitun Nubuah
This morning, I looked for a book titled "Baitun Nubuah". I have looked for it in many book stores and I couldn't find it! This morning, I looked for it into the publisher, but yet I couldn't find the publisher after looked around for an hour. I think I have to search it tomorrow at Palasari.
Well, I am eager to read this just because my friend told me that this is a very good book! Its story is about the life of Prophet Mohammad. But not likely Sirrah Nabawiyah (which is so boring), it is written in the style of romance. It gives a human touch. Actually, I wanna read it to find the real the real "akhlaq" of Prophet Mohammad. I couldn't find it in Sirrah Nabawiyah (which made me dissapointed!).
I have a promise, if there is someone I wanna imitate his character, then it would be my beloved prophet : The Rasul Mohammad.

2004-05-13T01:59:00.000-07:00

The Baghdad Blog
I've read the summary of The Baghdad Blog. I don't know the real book is. I wonder if the writer agree with the Invasion of America (who killed many people in Abu Ghraib and said that this just the mistake of few soldier) or not. I still don't agree with Saddam Hussain's action but what America has done is more wrong (or should I say disgusting). The nation that claimed theirself as the patriot of democracy but they killed so many people for democracy. If that is Bush means by democracy then "No Thanks!". I think I still have better choice than that kind of democracy.
Haven't they learned? That every nation in this world (except Israel I guess) don't like their arrogancy. Who gives the right for them to say that one country must be destroyed? They have done it to Cuba, Panama, Iraq, and so on. Which country has to be their victim until they learn that this world is big enough to share to every nation? Or maybe, just like Bond's film, they think that this world is not enough! Someday, they will learn it with so many cost. The bomb for America from so many "terorist" had proven that their strategy to win the battle is fault. They try to cheat to everybody, taking so many advantages, lies as democratic nation, and attacking the weak side. Is it so difficult to see the reason why so many people hate America (or American)?
I hope many people of America realize that their action (not only attacking Iraq, but also their ideology) is not welcome in other nation. We've seen the effect of "bad morale" that they are trying to export. We have our own ideology that respect human right, God, and morale values. Why do they insist to give theirs to us? It's probably that we're different but why they don't respect our ideology and religion too.

2004-05-12T02:07:00.001-07:00

Poem of The Truth
Well, I made this half year ago. I made this poem because of my debate to my friends about God. I ask many people why God creates evil. If everything comes from God then the evil thing comes from God too?? Then this means that God has the potential of evil. Well, I have my own answer right now. But when I asked this to my friends, they accused me that I was out of my religion. Hmm....This quite hurt me that time.
I'm still looking for the truth actually since I still have so many question, but not intensely like the old time. I have to focus on my work lately :(. But the searching isn't finished yet. I don't translate this poem into English since I'm afraid I would make so many mistakes.

Suatu gunung bernama Kebenaran
Jurang-jurangnya menganga lebar
Menindas manusia yang tergelicir
Belukar pada perjalanan
Berduri tajam
Menusuk dalam
Menggoresi daging yang melewati
Jalan yang dilalui
Mencabang
Membingungkan
Menyesat
Salah melangkah
Bisa jadi tak kembali

Suatu gunung bernama Kebenaran
Dari mula yang berbeda
Manusia dapat memulai mendaki
Dan mendapati akhir yang sama

Suatu gunung bernama Kebenaran
Ujungnya menembus awan
Melangit, tak berkesudahan pasti
Manusia yang mampu menggapai puncak
Diperuntukkan baginya
Pemahaman kaya akan rahasia

Sedang sekarang
Ia memanggil
Dalam gaung sayup-sayup
Terpantul pada relung bebatuan
Mengukuhi hati
Aku mengikut turut
Maka jikalau aku
Tergelincir, tergores, ataulah tersesat
Kemudian musna binasa
Biarlah!
Karena itulah harga penawar sebuah pencapaian
Dan luka carut-marut yang kan tertoreh
Pada penjelajahan berkelelahan
Adalah suatu tanda bahwa setidaknya—
Ya, setidaknya aku berusaha

I hope I still have the same spirit like when I wrote this. I'm in condition of continous futur. Astaghfirullah.

2004-05-10T02:44:00.000-07:00

Leadership

On saturday, I followed talkshow that held by CDC-ITB. Its theme was Leadership Transform.It was about how to make yourself becoming a leader. The most fab speaker I think was Mr. Gedhe Raka. He was very handy to speak about leading. He firstly asked something essential about the motivation of leading to the audience. I am ashamed for the answer that came from the audience. Some (--or should I say-- big part) of the audience answered that the motivation is about power, money, or respect from others. I still couldn't believe that these answers came from ITB's kid, people who are very educated. But one answer gives insight for me. The one that Mr. Gedhe Raka pressed until the ending of the talkshow. I think its the best answer that the true motivation of leading is to help other people. The power from leading gives us more freedom to help others to find their life meaning.
Well, I think that is something which most of our leaders don't have. And that's why our country crashes into ashes. I imagine if the audience that answered with wrong paradigm has the power in the future (and these are the prototype of the most educated people in Indonesia), then our country doesn't have any bright future at all. Naudzubillah min dzalik.

2004-05-05T01:55:00.000-07:00

Hard Days
I can't relax this weekend. On Saturday, I join MUBES at my friend' s house till 2 p.m. The meeting was held for almost fifteen hours. And it wasn't finished yet. There are some agendas that postponed because we have so little time. Next saturday the meeting would be continue. But after I think a while, I think I like meeting. It might be that I am included in KEPARAT (KEluarga PEcinta RApaT), a club that my friends were trying to build.
On sunday, I have to go to Garut as my brother married. One of my friend married too in Garut, so I have to go there after I visited my brother's party. It might be May is moon of the wedding. Two of my brother and Two of my friend marry at the same moon.
And I can't count monday for resting. As soon as I came into Bandung, I have to take care for some activities at Cimenyan. There is a Maulid nabi ceremony. I almost exhausted since I have to stay there for a day. Alhamdulillah, the ceremony was running well. Although, there are some mis-comunication and some troubles. Hmm, I survive for this weekedn finally.
So, I win the bet for myself. I still stand tough at tuesday. I don't know if I can hold on for this weekend. I hope my health is fine. It's not good actually for me to push my body to its own limit.

2004-04-29T02:42:00.000-07:00

Dreams
I don't talk 'bout dream of life, but it's dream of sleeping.
It's quite weird that I do believe in dreams. I'm a rational person (even sometimes because of my rationality I almost feel like a robot) thus it's strange enough for me that I believe in dreams. But I do.
I started to believe in dreams after I had a vision in dreams (I can't tell you what it was). It's a very scarry dreams and it happened. Some of my dreams become true. A year ago I had a most difficult problem in my life and the answer (although it's not what I hope) came from my dream. Two days ago, A dream came to me again. In my dream, I bought a shirt that I saw a day before. It's an expensive one. Usually, I' won't buy something like that. The real situation happened exactly just like my dream. I couldn't believe it.
My conclusion is that dream is a "channel" from God. Ibrahim and Yusuf had dreams too that came from God. That's why I believe it. What do you think??

2004-04-27T01:47:00.000-07:00

America
Well, I've just read the headline on this blog. It says that Iraq enjoys freedom after the invasion of America. It says that People of Iraq are suffered from the dominion of Saddam Hussain. I agree that Saddam Hussain is a dictator and some people of Iraq (espescially syi'ah) are suffered for the killing. But it's a lie that they enjoy a freedom. It's BULLSHIT! If they enjoy it, why so many People of Iraq hate American. I've just read the newspaper, it says that Fallujah's and Najaf's people are struggling against America. Both Syi'ah and Sunni fight against America. I just hope that they win in this battle.
Have you seen the new commercial of Coca cola. In the picture, some moslem do praying and they wear coca-cola shirt. I don't know this is a fake or not. The people almost look like a bottle than a human. It's a humiliation for my religion. I can't accept it! Well coca-cola, you just lost one of your consumer right now. I'm no bottle for you!

2004-04-23T02:19:00.000-07:00

Stupidity
What a stupid thing. This morning, I went to campus to give a gift for my councelor of thesis. But when came in into laboratory, I realized that I didn't bring the gift. luckily, I didn't meet my councelor. I couldn't imagine if I met her and said "Ups, I'm sorry. I totally forgot to bring the gift for you". Because of this, most of my schedule this morning was ruined. I did not have mood to do anything else at campus. Actually, I have to do some administrative thing at campus.
Today I saw some people doing parachute thing. Hiks......I envy them. I could imagine the excitement. They landed at Sabuga I guess. It's the closest field at campus. I saw the aeoplane and the helicopter too. I assume that military was doing its training.
Btw, what was going on at campus??? I'm totally blind about my campus.

2004-04-22T02:20:00.000-07:00

My Poem
Today, I translate one of my poem into English although I'm not so sure for the grammar.Writing something (also a poem) is one of my hobby. Sometimes I write something when I feel that it has to be written. By writing, I can evaluate what I have done or what others have done.
My poem is titled "The Wind". Well, after I read it again just for a moment, it looks like so many loss-meaning because of the translation. Sorry...

Since the wind is un-bind
No master, no slave
Just go as it is
Can you hold it?
Would it be useless?
But there it is, Thou know it exists

Since the wind always free
Border of the borderless
Passing through the age
But the wind remembers the goal
Where to start,
Where to end
Different paths are the same
The dangerous cliff,
The dreadful ocean,
The dark forest,
The deep river,
could be its own way

Since I’m the wind’s heir
Though I am no regret

2004-04-13T02:16:00.000-07:00

Birthday
Few days ago was my birthday. At that time, I think there wouldn't be nothing special for me. Like usual, I don't really care about it. In fact, sometimes I don't want anybody knows about my birthday. But there are some people who still can remember it, even though they don't see me for a long time. it was surprised for me since I don't remember their birthday. Please, forgive me, It's just because I'm such a forgetfull person.
A week ago, I was really in a bad mood (just for day). I'm dissapointed and angry for something I don't know. It wasn't like me at all. I'm not a "moody" person. My analysis is that I think I lost my existence. The changing of environment makes me confused about my identity. I'm not used to this new environment. I like challenge and I like to meet new people, but it takes time for me to feel comfort. My new friends actually are nice people. I hope I can get closed with them.

2004-04-08T20:36:00.000-07:00

The Music
I've listened new songs these days. It's tatu's song. She comes from Russian, I think. For me, the music is excellent although I suspicious about the lyric. My friend told me that tatu's singer is a lesbian. It is so explicit in her movie clip. I rather feel guilty when I listen her music since I know that. Am I drown with popular culture which is very destructive for our own society?
I most like punk music. My favourite bands are sum 41 and Green day. My friend told me that Bad Religion is a good punk too. Does anyone have their cassete so I can borrow it? I like Rap too. I do not have favourite singer since I just like some songs from Rap Album. My favourite rap song is Lose yourself sung by Eminem, Look who's talking sung by Dr. Alban, Where is the Love (I don't know if this is rap or not).
Indonesian songs I like are Iwan Fals's. They had spirits. And I like jamrud, although some friends told me that jamrud is quite porn in lyric. Though they are quite good.

2004-04-06T02:10:00.001-07:00

The Election
I'm dissapointed about myself right now. It's just because I don't vote for the election. The reason is about administrative thing, I don't have vote card. Meanwhile, I asked so many friends to vote. Hmm, very embarrassing. For my absentee in this election, I make a promise to join one political party for the next election as the payment of this debt.
So many talking today about the election. About the vision of the party, the leader of the nation, and some phenomenal thing (like the winning of Demokrat Party). I envy them who talk about PEMILU and can choose for PEMILU. Well, I just hope that the party I wanna choose could win :) or in widen view I hope that the election make this country better.
Oh yeah, I got a funny SMS in javaneese language. Here it is. "Gus dur menek wit jambe, yen wong jujur milih PKB. Lemper isine ketan, yen wong pinter milih PAN. Numpak dokar nabrak trotoar, yen pengen modhar miliho Golkar." For Golkar people, just don't shoot me :). I'm only the mail-man.

2004-03-26T01:16:00.000-08:00

My Community
I built some communities several years ago. My first community was GAUL (GArUt asLi). Strangely enough, since I was the founding person and the only one who was not a sundaneese person. My friends kept joking that I was not Garut People but "Nggarut People". It was my mistake to spell Garut as Nggarut. Huaaa......All member of GAUL usually talk in Sundaneese and I'm the only one who looked so stupid. They just tried to fool me. But they were my good friends. Really! Although sometimes they were very annoying. We meet every Lebaran and in every meeting we usually ask "Will we meet again and hang around next year ???". My reason to make Garut Community was because I had to move on from my born city, Solo.
The 2nd community I built was Dark Community (DarkComm). The member likes to wear black dresses. When we wear black thing, people usually understand that we will have a meeting. DarkComm has only three members. I am the Dark Emperor (just like in Starwars), Ajie as Prince of the Darkness (just like Voldemort) and Syndi as Princess of the darkness (I couldn't find the comparison). I build it coinsidentally when I had to go to Cipatujah with prince of the darkness and he wore the same black dress I have. Since then, we declared ourselves as the patient of mad hospital called mad-celeb. What some crazy persons. Later, when the princess join our brotherhood, we changed the name into Dark Community.
And right now, I'm building the new club. It's Card Club (2C). We call ourselves as "Trooper". A joke from word "truf-er". The member only fit for 4 persons because that's what truf needs. The first meeting was held in my place in bandung on New Year. The 2nd meeting was held in my friend's house. I do not know if this club will continue. For some reasons, it is very difficult for us to play card all night long.

P.S : this morning, I wrote a poem. It's been a long time since the last time I wrote. I have a plan to write several poems of mine in this blog. Hopefully, the reader doesn't get sick or puke after reading my poems.

2004-03-24T01:06:00.000-08:00

The Adventure
Just two days ago, I was having fun by rafting with some friends of mine. It was my 2nd rafting. I did the first one about three years ago at Saguling. It took place at Citarum River which was so dirty. Phew!!!! No reasonable man would swim at that river, but we did!
This time the rafting took place at Sumedang near a restaurant which selling "Tahu" special from Sumedang. The river named Cipeles is cleaner than Citarum, although the color is still brown. The view is gorgeous. It is still natural. We could see some biawak (I don't know how to translate biawak into English....).But the most fun thing was the wave. It was so wild. Maybe, since it was on rainy season (and we did rafting in a rainy day too). The special from the river is that the river has so many rocks. About 15-30 minutes we stucked by the rocks and couldn't get out.
During the journey, two friends of mine were left accidentally and I had to rescue them by rope since the others on the boat were women. Do not imagine me as a hero :). I was quite panick at that time. I know that I'm not strong enough to fight the wave. Ah, the scarriest thing from the whole adventure was the ending. I still can't believe that the finish point was just 10 meters from a dam. If we could not stop at that point, it might be some of us will surely die. Believe me!
Well, I still have some plans of adventure. There are hang glider, parachute, and bungee jumping. The next thing I wanna do is hiking to Rinjani. One of my best friend agrees to this plan and will accompany me during the journey (I think I would not survive if I do it by myself). I wish I could make it.

2004-03-17T01:00:00.000-08:00

The Truth
Right now, I'm reading a book titled "Road to Mecca". A very interesting book written by Muhammad Asad. He was a jew but he moved his religion into Islam because of some reasons. The thing that attracts me on the cover of the book is the sentence "The Spiritual Journey of A Truth Seeker". It is a coinsidence that I declared myself as truth seeker (I wrote it in my several written).
Well, I wanna talk 'bout the truth. What is the truth?? We see so many people claims themselves as the truth messenger. But so many contradictive among their truth. Every religion claims themselves as the path of the truth. Which one is the right one?? Could it be every religion or just one of them???
I formulate the truth in three categories : the relative truth, the generalized truth, and the One truth. People who believes post-modern concept will see the truth as the relative truth. Every truth is the truth which is not wrong. I'm not a good philosopher but it's my point of view of post-modern concept. My God! Maybe they will claim Hittler as the truth as well as God. For myself, I believe in The One truth. That the truth has its source.
I see the truth just like the philosophy of Matrix. That our senses is not enough to detect the truth itself. We need more qualified means, that I believe as "the consciousness". I even don't believe for what I see (just like Plato said). Could it be the computer I see just an imagination of my senses?? Could it be that you are nothing more than my illusion??
The journey of the truth seeking is still far away. It's an endless path, that our death as the gate.

2004-03-15T01:13:00.000-08:00

Weekend Journal
I played Truf several days ago. And I won. A big winning I guess. Most of my friends (who played it) didn't like my total winning and tried to make me lose. But they failed. Although finally I almost lose, but they can't beat me up. He he he. I'm sorry my friend but you're no good enogh to play Truf. It's my game.

Yesterday (sunday) was a hard day. I didn't rest at all. I have to organize some people. There were some meeting and 2 seminars that I joined. Phew, I came home at 10 a.m for 3 days. But actually, I'd rather enjoy hard work like that. I don't know if I am a work-alcoholic or not. By working, I feel usefull. But sometimes I am a very Lazy person.

I read about Winnetou few days ago. It was an interesting reading. So many moral values in it. But I feel surprised when I knew that the author (Karl May) got mental disorder sickness. Hmm, it looks like Picasso. Are big persons have to be "sick", just like Hittler, Mussolini, Polpot, Van Gogh, and so on? Is it because they have a big dream?? I will discuss about dream (and of course my dream too) in other writing.

2004-03-12T01:03:00.000-08:00

Card Game
Tonight, I have a plan with some of my friends to play card game. I miss playing it. We will play truf start at 8 pm. I'm their guru at card game cause they know just a little bit of card games. I know several type of card games like black jack, poker, joker, 41, liar, and so on. But I think I'm not a good player. I have little luck when I play card (I do not know why) unless if the game needs some thoughts.
Actually, we play it tonight just to memorize our playing at New Year. We play it full night (we do not sleep at all that time). I hate to admit this but I'm the loser at that game :((. Well, I wish I have more luck this time :). Wish me luck! ok??

2004-03-11T02:41:00.000-08:00

My First Day
Well, it's my first day working at akal. It's quite interesting place to work. The job is fun. To create games for kids. Hmm.....Here, People is nice. I feel quite comfort. But, actually I do not know whether I will continue working here for several years or quit after few months. I like challanges thus makes me moving from one place to another. What do you think?? Is it right to move from one company to another?? I think I will settle at a company someday. But first, I wanna see the world. I want to know the color of the world.

2004-03-08T00:39:00.001-08:00

Working
Well, after I graduate I must set up my life. My Mom said that I must have target of life. That makes me thinking.
"What do you wanna be? The head of a rat or a tail of elephant?". It's a question for me from my friend which place I choose to work? Is it at a big company being an employee or at a small company being a manager? Actually, right now I'm both of them. I'm a director and also employee at different company. I wanna learn about business process so I become a director, although the profit is so small (or I must say that I get some loss). But I learn about many things, about how to run some money, about how to order some people, about how to make some standards. It's an interesting thing for me. But I am an employee too. Right now, I'm a programmer at software house and an instructor at an organization.
Hopefully, I can reach my target at the end of this year. Becoming a good entrepeneur who works profesionally. Hmm.....

2004-03-01T00:39:00.000-08:00

Games
Right now, i'm infected with 'virus' called game. I can't stop playing Heroes 4. It's a wonderful game. Well, game is worse than love I guess. I can't eat and sleep well. I usually wake up at 2 a.m just to play game and I don't quit until 9 am. Although I still have to do praying at morning first.
Actually, I just fulfill my passion to Heroes 4 because I had to quit playing it half year ago since I made my thesis.Right now, My responsibility for working and organization is neglected just because of it. I hope this game madness would stop in a week.

2004-02-27T00:39:00.000-08:00

Emptiness
I'm starting to feel empty. I can't feel God anymore in my heart. Well, just sometimes. I'm in condition of futur. And I don't know how to solve it. I miss my time when I do night praying , read Qoran, or making poem of Heaven. I really miss it. Laziness surely defeats me. And I'm stuck with it. I'm nothing more than a body without soul.
Please God, if You read this, then show Your Love to me.

2004-02-17T22:31:00.000-08:00

The West's Trash
Why do we celebrate Valentine? It is west's culture. Why do we, as Indonesian people, care about something like that. It is something stupid for me. I do not know Mr Valentino. So why do I celebrate your life???
I'm sick when I see people start to celebrate valentine, halloween, and so on. We usually imitate something that we don't know. Instead we are proud by our culture, we just follow another's culture. The West's Trash, I say. Something like junk food, punk's life style, fashion, and so on. We are conquered not just economically, but also culturally.
Pothetic huh!

2004-02-10T21:39:00.000-08:00

Waiting......
It's always something I don't like. Especially, waiting for uncertainty. But the world is all about uncertainty of the future. Don't u think so? Today, I complete my status as Engineer. should I be happy, angry, or sad? I don't know. But I feel that I will miss my year as student. Anyway, it's my first step to know the reality. I'm eager to find out.